Comet Comments

I’m afraid of living a lone, not dying as such.

2012-02-06T17:05:00.000-08:00

Being single is terrifying.

In the same way that being unemployed is terrifying.

Of course, being with someone or being employed holds the same amount of uncertainty for most people I think. If we do play by the rules of a bird in the hand, having someone/something gives us better company; or at least a greater comfort.

As a single person, I date. Dating can be incredible, and also devastating.

There are always those who you cannot wait to see again, and never hear from. As well as those who you regret ever agreeing to see, who want to spend the rest of their lives with you. You wear both shoes.

We’re all thrilled by acceptance. Acceptance feels good, better than anything. It seems to feel the best…well, that is a preference of sound isn’t it. I think it’s very important to make sure we are acting for our own satisfaction, is not self destructive.

We’re all afraid of rejection. Rejection hurts, worse than anything. It seems to hurt much worse when it is an echoing chasm of silence. I think it’s ever important. When we are rejected we are tested to fully accept, and defend ourselves.

I have been very lucky to have had as many romantic moments in my life; I have even been in love, which is not a truth all lives share. This doesn’t mean that I’m not afraid that I will not find “the one.”

This isn’t a cry for support.

I fully understand that I am capable of attracting and participating in a relationship. What I am saying is I have to surrender, and see what the universe brings to me.

It’s scary to accept though, the full surrender.

As I surrender to the universe. I can’t make my love story happen, I have to let it. In the interim I also have to take my rejection, acceptance, and share the two when appropriate. I also need to cry some, and relax more.

I’m not afraid of dying a lone, because that is how we all die.

I just hope I have the chance to share my life with someone I can eat ice cream and fart in bed with. Of course it's more than that....but this whole blog can't be so serious.

Bites.

2011-12-28T11:05:00.001-08:00

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows -A Review

2011-12-16T05:24:00.000-08:00

Here it is. It's worth seeing; and super fun. RDJ, and Law are hilarious together. Visually stunning, extremely thoughtful character nudity choices, and a film that sort runs off of fore shadowing.

As in the first one, they struggle with the relevance of the female characters, but who cares. As long as we see the playful banter between RDJ and Law.

Also, The team who created the lush world of the Game of Shadows need a big fat THANK YOU card from the steam punk community.

See it in the theater a bigger impact is worth it every penny!

Swag.

2011-12-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

You got swag. thank you Leon Niewot’s 11th graders

Swag is not something you can purchase, or a club you can belong to. It’s something you are.

Sure, that might be silly to say. Queue whatever after school special song needs to play in the background whilst you read this to feel okay about yourself.

It’s true. Anyone who hires a swagger coach, or yearns for swag like Jagger will find mild success until they tap in the natural fountain of natural jive inside themselves.

You cannot buy yourself- you already have it.

Sure, it sounds cheesy but it’s true. You’ve got swag. I’m not going to make you walk all the way to Emerald city to find out all you need to do is look inside yourself, and click your heels thrice.

Making an investment in your positive qualities will not only heighten them but also expand them.

Although, sometimes it might seem pretentious when yoga enthusiast call what they do a practice, but it is an implication that though we are performing a series of tasks they will not be done perfectly, but as a part of a greater continued work.

Practice does not make perfect, it leads to a more confident, qualified, or generally more enjoyed state of living to be shared.

On the other hand if you allow yourself to root into the negative parts of yourself, just take a look at what happened to Lindsey Lohan.

You can not ignore your weaknesses, or faults. They are apart of you, a very real part of you. However, don’t flounder within them because you allow them to be a flourish in your life. Own up to ‘em, and let ‘em be what they are.

Statment vs Statement

2011-11-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

I hate it.

I do. I hate it.

It's cold, wet, and sometimes dangerous.

Nothing is less satisfying than stepping out into a new day and instantly wanting to start over by getting back into bed.

Nothing is more devastating than when you come inside from the cold, slide off your shoes, only to have the frigid embrace of wet denim on your ankles.

Of course no one....wants to drive after a terrible snow storm.

That is just three of the many reasons why I hate WINTER.

The only thing I hate more than the subzero temperatures of the season, is the moronic follow up to my statement of hate.

It gingerly rolls of the others tongue..."You do know you live in Michigan?"

REALLY? I live in Michigan? You don't say!

Of course I know I live in Michigan. Because I have lived here every second of the 25 years of life.

I know we winters, long, grey, bleak, cold, 4-5 month long winters.

And I hate every second of that time.
Well, not every second. The parts that happen after New Years...cause the magic of Christmas is over, and that's when it gets really bad.

It's bitter terrible grey mass of cold wet punishment.

My point is. Being able to voice my disdain for the time terrible weather is the only way to ease the tension in my heart to let me make it through to my sweet salvation of the other three seasons of the year.

Pointing out my location isn't making it warmer, not even with your breath. You're just putting salt into the wound.

Don't make me feel like an idiot because I might not know where my geographic location. I know where I live. I know what happens here. I am not confused about it. I'm just mad sometimes.

Fair warning world, I tell you how I feel and you respond with my location- You're getting verbally abused with silence until spring.

Just so you know.

450 reasons why you should never get piercings around/about your mouth

2011-11-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

5 reason summary

It is rare that I speak against people’s personal choices. My general rule of thumb is as long as you aren’t hurting others, or yourself go for it. That’s not to say that I am not open to giving suggestions.

I suggest that no one ever get facial piercings; especially ones around the mouth area.

I can think of at least 450 reasons not to get them. For the sake of time, and maintaining your interest I’d like to share my top 5.

5- You look horny- constantly.

When someone click clacks their tongue ring against their teeth, or melds their lips around their low lip ring it makes me think they want someone’s "something" to put in some face time with them.

Even if that isn’t your intention. I have heard people say they play with their piercings when they are thinking. Be aware, outsiders are less concerned with what is going on in your head, and more concerned with how give it.

Those who say they are horny constantly are lying…because even the most deviant of sexual beings just want 5 minutes of something else. Sometimes you just want a turkey sandwich.

4- They are incredibly distracting.

Anytime I’ve had a conversation with someone with a Monroe, snake bites, or tongue ring- contact is simply not going to happen. Perhaps it’s my minute ADD that can’t help but fixate on the shiny, or it might just be the fact that I’m trying to figure out if they’re coming on to me.

Either way my fixation keeps me from keeping up in the conversation, or paying attention to the speaker.

3- Someday you will (might) regret them

Hopefully, you will not be filled with teenage angst forever. Most people free themselves post 19 when they really begin to explore themselves to find out who they really are.

Those who get pierced in their early twenties, hopefully you will not be filled with pre-quarter life crisis forever. Most people free themselves post 25 when they really settle into who they and stop trying to find someone new to be.

Those who get pierced after 25, hopefully your band will be as successful as you assume it to be. Or your job at the tattoo parlor will work out. If neither of those are the case, take the fifty bucks you would’ve spent to buy some grown up pants and start attacking your life for all your worth.

Just as you out grew your baby clothes, My Little Ponies, regular Nickelodeon programming, and other kid stuff this might just be a phase in your life. A phase that can leave scars, scars that are just as distracting as the pieces of metal that once occupied the space.

2- You’re unique, not an accessory.

If you’re getting pierced to stand out as the unique being you truly are, I can only see that you’re working against yourself.

Nothing says “I’m just like everyone else” by having something semi-permanently linked to you in the same places as thousands of people.

Don’t use accessories to set yourself apart. If external elements dictate or articulate the core of who you are…who are you really?

A piece of $20 jewelry?

Your uniqueness is described best by who you are, what you do, and how you do them.

1- Scars look like zit scars.

…or worse.

So, those are my top 5 reasons to not get mouth piercings. They’re more suggestions really, and I stand by the idea as long as you are not hurting yourself/others I’m all good.

Just think about it.

E= Force

2011-11-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Energy- Thank you @mojodean

“Use the force.”

O, yea. I’m making a Star Wars reference, eat it up because it’s delicious.

I believe in the force. Not that I think anyone has the power to force choke someone, or that you can slice and toast your bagel at the same time with your force powered light saber.

The force is your raw energy. How you choose to harness your energy is up to you. This choice isn’t simply between dark or light. It’s choosing how you’ll act, or react.

For most of us the ideal is to be in the position of acting. Having the ability to create your own momentum to move yourself forward is quite the gift. Once you get the ball rolling, it’s not that hard to move things along.

However, it can be exhausting to push yourself to constantly make bold choices. At the same time we have to be careful not to strain ourselves to make things happen.

We have to balance the scales between acting, and reacting.

Reaction is when we are gifted with a something. This something is perhaps an event, a change, or a general good/bad thing that gives us the opportunity to use our force.

O, yes. I said gifted with a bad thing. Eat it up, it’s delicious…or maybe not but still you have to have it. We have to be as grateful for the bad as we are for the good things that happen to us.

This is where we choose the dark or light side. Are we a victim to our circumstance, now trapped to a pack to a man who wears a robe with nothing underneath, who wants to rule the universe? Or are we a survivor who will lead a rebellion with or without both of our own hands.

Use the force to rise and thrive.

Thank you Teach.

2011-10-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

Savant- Thank you @mswebberd

My life has been a journey for knowledge. On my way I have had a great many traditional, nontraditional, and occasionally completely unaware teachers. All of them I am immensely grateful for, but today I’d like to nod at those who make it their duty to make us all the beneficence of knowing.

I have been very lucky with my teachers as well as my professors.

I’ve alluded before that I lacked the general ability to be liked by my peers while in elementary, middle, and parts of high school. I was very lucky to have teachers who liked me, and helped to protect me from being lost to self-loathing, and a harsh attitude.

My University years allowed all my quirks that once made me a weirdo, now made me an assist in the “real world.” I also learned that there is much more to know out there than what can be taught in a public school.

Brief note to anyone who squirms thru the social scene at their k-12 schools, take comfort- it will all be over before you know it. You will be free from the words and actions of others if you let yourself be. And, the majority of professors let you call them by their first name.

Those who venture out to shape the minds and mugwumps of K-12, I salute you. Beyond the boundaries of what is to be learned from the curriculum, there is a great deal more to learn. Kids who are students can be at the very least difficult. The 18 and under mind/body combo provides an individual who is distracted by their growth and change.

Which can make it particularly difficult to teach them, well anything.

Of course, students 18+ are equally frustrating, and distractible….

I’ve seen many teachers/professors rise to the occasion to take the responsibility to help fresh minds explore values, and direction as people with no alterative motive. This of course is an invaluable experience.

For any educator who has done such I must say this to you: Thank you. For going above and beyond to get the lesson learned, but for also teaching me the value of going the extra mile for someone else.

My Teachers, and Professors did not define me, or shape me. They gave the gifts of knowledge, and gave me room to understand it.

As I venture into the world there are moments that again challenge me to be out of my true nature. It is the knowledge, the perspectives, and ability to remember the basics that help me be me.

Sure, I may never get to say thank you, and they might not even remember I was in their class. But I hope they know I will never be able to describe how grateful I am.

Happiness

2011-09-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

Happiness –Thank you the Sticks Improv

Happiness is not a goal to be obtained, but a state of mind being that can be preferred.

Recently, I’ve asked people what the hope for their future goals are. Few people have clear goals, or at least titles they are striving for. More commonly than not people shrug off the anxiety that occurs when they consider what their outcomes, instead they rattle off the good ol’ “I just wanna be happy.”

Nice thought. Easy answer. Ties off the conversation. Right?

I myself have shot this rudimentary answer. Hoping it would cover the top three general life bases. Genuinely I hope that in 5 years I’m happy with myself, my career, and my relationship.

As I further considered my answer, I became frustrated. Of course, I want to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy.

Yes everyone.

Our physical condition is designed to process bliss, which is why we struggle when we start to become overwhelmed by stressed. Certainly we cannot have a happiness hootenanny day in and out. We all need to go thru our ebb and flow of emotions; which is why happiness can not be the goal. Just a reoccuring state of being.

It’s an emotion which emerges, and disappears- coming and going as it needs to. We can’t conjure it like Beetlejuice, or run to it like we do a finish line. Be assured that it will come and go. Even if it takes longer sometimes for it to return.

If you try to hold onto it, or force it- you'll never have true happiness.

Considering your future position in even 5 years can feel very overwhelming. We hide underneath the blanket of happiness in the darkness of our future, because we are so uncertain. Is it a boogieman or a starry night that we will open our eyes to?

Face it, our future is in the true form of the word, awesome. We are excited, and terrified at the same time. It has become more clear to me the better defined our ideas about our futures, (beyond job titles, and names of cities we’d like to live in) the less scary the future seems.

When I named my boogieman I was far less afraid as well. Because who is scared of someone named Terrance? –Not I.

The more definitive we can be about our directives, the better we can channel our energies, and the more likely we will be happy.

Make the bold choice to choose directly. So you can indirectly choose happiness.

Your Truth, Say it.

2011-09-12T09:17:00.001-07:00

Nothing is true until it is said aloud.

This is a rule that I learned in improv. It is meant to help players to design a strong scene environment. We say it, and is accepted as gospel. I personally believe that this rings true in our everyday living.

Positive or negative we first create our general rules of existence, second maintain that as our pattern of experience, and continue to choose the way we experience living.

You create your existence.

You maintain your experience.

You choose your perspective.

You say it, and it is.

It would be easy to kumbaya mantra ourselves into always chatting we’re divinely perfect. This would be ideal, but it is next to impossible to maintain a perfect uplifted view all the time. In fact I argue that is not healthy.

The yin/yang of love and loath is our way to challenge our current paradigms to see if they need be revised. It is clear that a positive outlook breeds positive outcomes. Knowing this it is important to consider your verbalization of your reality.

If you’re saying “You can’t”- well of course you can’t. Then you never will.

If you’re saying “I’ll try”- well of course you will…but that doesn’t mean you can.

If you’re saying “I will”- well, you will.

Remember you are the keeper of your reality, how do you want to see it? Then speak it.

2011-09-08T14:54:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the suggestion of Hollow from Billy Zsigray

This past weekend I visited my mom. She's lived in Chicago for over 2 years,we both agree we don't see enough of each other, so when we do see each other it's really exciting. As I waited to be picked up from the airport I was cool, calm, and collected. Shoot, I even posed for an owling picture. I was not so cool in the next few moments.

As soon as I recognized the car she was in turn the corner my chin trembled, my lips clenched up, and my eyes welled up, just as they had when I was picked up the first time in preschool. A moment later she was out of the car, hugged me, and release. I was fully captive to the Mom Effect. I let out a small flood of tears and breath that eased any tension held within me. This lasted all of three minutes, then we were packed into the car headed to breakfast.

Mom Effect is best treated with scrambled eggs and waffles.

The Mom Effect is the moment where you accelerate from grown up to five year old simply by seeing your Mom. The small break down to the basic state of "I want my Mom!" and boom there she is.

Watch any reality show, when they want to heighten the stakes they bring in "family members", and see how the contestants break down. Or hang out at airports, and you'll see people gravitate to one another embracing into one another.

Even the most curmudgeon can be soothed in a Mom Effect, is not mom sensitive; however, it is a sensitivity to Mom's or those who hold high importance in your life.

Of course Mom is the most clear example, but we all have one of these elusive relationships that holds such great power. You never know how hollow the state you have been in until they come around, and you never feel more whole then when they are around.

Ok, I might sound like a coward of my life, but I'm brave enough to admit that I need people. My Mom, and select few of my friends on whom I can lean when I am in need. I hope the case is visa versa. This certainly isn't a mega achievement, just an observation of a shared human experience.

Come on even Verlander needs to be soothed by his Mom.

What is important is that you let these people know just how important they are to you, and not while you're breaking down in their arms.

I love you Mom. Thank you for your comfort, and a breakfast.

Hold Close the Hot Prize of Life- YOU.

2011-08-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

From the suggestions of brilliant minds I give you my image of one world- inspired by the touch of fajitas.

Disappointment a Healthy Part of Everyday Living.

2011-08-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

Disappointment – Thank you, Lesley B.P.

Can’t remember exactly how old I was, I’m thinking somewhere in 2nd or 3rd grade. My elementary school was hosting some after school event of some kind, and I distinctly remember there was some kind of “magic science guy.”

At the time, he could’ve been the direct descendant of Einstein and Zordon –these of course of my 2nd grade references for whom I thought the world agreed were the smartest beings on the planet. Of course now I remember enough that he was probably some fanboy in his early twenties working events like these to make a living.

He was showing us how he took this and that mixed it together to turn clear water into variations of blue; if you put enough pop rocks in a “mystery liquid” (we all knew it was diet soda, but I’m sure for the sake of his parents he was trying to hide it) how it would explode.

For each of these experiments he would ask for a volunteer. I would thrust my hand as high as they could reach, hoping to be noticed. At one point I went from sitting next to my Dad to on his lap, hoping that it would bring me closer to the skyline - and to being noticed.

After the first three rounds of assistants were collected, anxiety bubbled in my little heart. I’ve mentioned before my pinniped status during my public school experience- 0% popularity 100% chance to grow/develop personality.

This “Dr. magic science guy” could clearly see without speaking to me that I was unworthy. Big tears welled up in my eyes, my cheeks turned red, and turned to my Dad to whimper “I will never be picked.”

My whimper was much more a cry, because I had obtained the attention of “Dr. magic science weirdo” or whatever he called himself. During the next round of assistant pickers, I was picked up for the draft.

I hated myself for getting picked this way.

First of all, I knew I had embarrassed my Dad who had offered to bring me out to this night.

Secondly, I knew (even in 2nd/3rd grade) I hadn’t been picked for me, but for the fear of disappointing a little kid. Meaning he just wanted me to stop crying and be happy-not because he thought I was the best choice.

Third, this was the dumbest experiment of the whole evening.

I don’t remember how the evening ended, I hope that I apologized to my father for my behavior, and to “Dr. I hope you found a better job by now magic science guy” for acting out like a spoiled wombat of a child to get my way.

It was then when it occurred to me that disappointment is a healthy experience of life.

Children need to be disappointed, so that they can handle it when they are in adult situations. Certainly I had my fair share of disappointments, which makes it easier for me to shake off the bad vibes of a letdown.

Working my muscles of self-confidence, self worth, and awesome powers of make it happen if no one else will. Fastest way to make muscle strong is to work it.

And-that's perfectly fine.

Of course, the wounds of a rejection, look over, or even a cookie that looked so much tastier than it actually was stings with disappointment. The hurt is there, and cannot be denied, but we also cannot let it be self-defining.

Get tough, and get it over it.

You wanna be a carousel displaying your splendor and goofy music, not a straight up freak show of bitterness.

Ricochet from your disappointment to something better.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I love you.

2011-08-10T04:11:00.000-07:00

In the great words of a hipster, zombies are now too mainstream. This is a statement worthy of a shakeweight lashing, but I think it needs to be said.

Over the last 5 years, there have been more zombie movies/shows/commericals than you can shake a chainsaw at.

Of course other films/shows/etc have showcased a freak show of alternative beings that are out for human blood/brains or just to ruin a weekend at the lake.

We are all waiting to sit through about 120 minutes of heart pounding action to see our modern world torn apart by mastodon bunny hybrids-Hopping Thumpadons coming to theaters spring of 2012.

Of course, this movie isn’t real. First of all, the name would have to be worked on further, and it would not be coming to sliver screen- just straight to SyFy.

However, the story might be interesting to us; but not because we want to see tusked bunnies descend the world as we know to an apocalyptic leather strapped society.

It is truly a good and noble craft to convey a deeper thesis while also conveying terror, and decent CGI effects. (see; Cloverfield)

We like to see how people interact in such situations. These are my favorite types of stories. All the movies tackling zombies, monsters, aliens, or seemingly supernatural serial killers make the life really simple.

For Me:

Survive
Be a good human beingBe Smart
Take care of each other (ie; love interest, children, and dogs. Probably in reverse order)

These basic moral/ethical codes can be represented by different phrasing, but if you put aside the jigsaw portion they remain the core concepts of interacting with supernatural/monster attacks.

Consider characters that generally falter from them during a film, more often than not they are punished. Brutally, and “deservedly” punished. Either by being torn to scraps or being shot out to space

Those who stick to the codes are more likely to survive. If they don’t, at the very least they earn a moment of silence from those who did make it. Of course they face a different punishment called sequels.

Aside from watching some amazing fight scenes, being jolted by the vibrations of the base from various explosions or walking sounds, and the casual half nude shots of the dream boats who are making it work- I love to witness good being glorified.

Introducing a stress into the environment of humans provides the perfect space to ring out the moist absolute of an individual’s character, and the general meaning of life.

Everyday we face these stressors they’re a lot less entertaining and horrofying than trying to survive a beast that breathes blue fire coming to smash your city.

When we choose to pay our bills, help a co-worker with a project, or reach out a hand out for a loved one, we are all running for our lives to make everyday life happen.

Alright, that’s something straight out of a cheese factory, I will mark up another shakeweight lashing.

When I watch Jurassic Park, Zombieland, the Blob, etc- I think about what I would do, how I would to it, and whom I would fight to protect. The most consistent piece is the people I would want around me and who would be good to have around.

Also, I would call my weapon Blanche, and I would have to spend some time finding the right leather thigh-high boots.

So here’s the thing, chances are you wont be shot out into space for a rip-roaring adventure to face giant acid blooded cockroaches to find the courage to express how you feel about the people you share your life space with. And overall just be a decent human being.

You have the chance right now to thrive in your own rhapsody of community by bellying up to the bar and opening your heart to those around you.

You don't need to be scared to your wits by zombies and the end of the world to have what is truly important to you made clear.

Live your life the way you want to.

You also have the chance to get your hands on fresh water, canned foods, a machete, and to design a vehicle that runs on solar power. I really do think about these things.

I'm not trying to throw myself at you- Angry Birds.It's just our shared nature.

2011-07-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

I used to have this pretty regular thing with some upset fowls. Of course I mean the Angry Birds.

We met during my friend Josh’s birthday party. The finished basement was the perfect nest for our budding love. A few weeks later that we were seeing each other daily, sometimes twice in the same hour.

Angry Birds had this power over me. No matter how frustrated I might be trying to do what seemed like the simplest of tasks, I would smile and commit till the work was done. The sweet reward of a new adventure, or character rooted me deeper into this relationship.

There were some hard times. It seemed the further along we went together, the more difficult it seemed.

The seasons reminded me of the power of these new seasons games laid out before me. New challenges, views, and why I felt so in love in the first place.

Then what seemed like a moment passed, and we were in Rio. I loved Rio. We were having a great time. Doing what seemed like mission work. Setting free those who could not free themselves, and punishing silly monkeys- I was excited to be together again.

I felt we were back on target- all the fickle things in our relationship had been knocked down and out of the way. We playing on the beach, going to parades, and we were together that’s all mattered.

Something happened though, maybe we came to a great arch in our relationship. But I haven’t seen Angry Birds in months seems like. I hear other people talk about how they met, or just recently became friends. There is a chance there might be a movie about it…well, here it is.

Some, might think of me as a green lil’ Piggy so selfishly thinking that I was left behind. I’ll admit I’m looking for just a quick update that might bring that new feeling of play back to me.

Angry Birds if you can hear me; you’ll understand when I say- kwwKwwwwan-KAH!

Yours,
Hailey

Simple, be YOU. That is all.

2011-07-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I asked a friend of mine recently his opinion of me. I knew he wouldn’t give me a straight answer, scoundrel-but I knew he’d give me an honest one. As predicted he nearly commanded me that I shouldn’t live my life wondering what people think about you, doing so would create a life where I’d be cheating myself.

This of course is true; if you consume your life with worries of what people’s opinions you will cheat yourself out of your own self-reflection, and self-appreciation. This sincere advice both thwarted my information seeking hunt, and attempt to peer into the perspective of someone I respect/fear.

But, my mind on occasion has wondered to the thoughts of others onto me.

Do they think I’m right for the job?

Do they want me to just quit the theater?

Does he like me?

Mix in phrases, nouns, etc to make the phrases appropriate for you. These thoughts prefix your undaunted lust for acceptance.

Everyone wants to be recognized for the uniqueness of their existence, I would argue that this is a law of nature. Call it presumptuous all you want, but this is just what it is.
We have all been witness to people reaching out to the world around them for some acknowledgement that they are there, and that they mean something.

We all seek to have a purpose, value, or status. Professionally, and personally we seek to put the bones of structure into our lives to grant us support. It feels good not just to be wanted but to also be needed. How we go about obtaining the status is as unique as we all are.

Some passively hope to be noticed for their quirks from behind books or corners.

Certain girls run out of the bar into the falling snow barefoot to dance around to “amaze the crowd.”

Certain boys wear vulgar t-shirts, and play up to bad boy archetypes while borrowing their mother’s car.

Some couples fiercely fight or make out in public for everyone to observe.

Everyone between all of those examples, and beyond them, we’re all looking for an external affirmation of us. We all want someone to look at us, marvel at our virtues, accept our faults, and proclaim-“That is one EPIC individual.”

Anyone who disagrees is in denial, and is probably looking for attention.

We must be careful little peanuts. My friend’s warning leads also to the idea that we must not be too eager to accept the first token of admiration extended to us. Also to those who are ready to chum the social scene with their graces must be ready to catch no fish-and perhaps face some sharks. (Sharks can bite and it hurts)

I myself have been one to roll an eye at those who are “trying to hard”, as well as had eyes rolled at me by people who believe that I’m trying too hard.

Considering my example of the girls who run out into a snow, as some smile at the whimsical nature of the act, I cringe with the Janeane Garofalo part of me wanting to cry out “You’re going to freeze you idiots, no one wants someone who needs to be thawed out!!”

This isn’t fair, really who am I to judge them? Considering how ridiculous I can be when I am public (to date I think I do the best loose spin running man in Metro Detroit) all the while I know for a fact that in those moments I most sincerely do not care about who cares or sees.

Well, I do care who sees. Not only do I want people to see me for all I am, aren’t, or otherwise-and love it. Love me for every bit of me. I hope that when seen someone will have that gut reaction we all have when we are home. This feeling might mean that we belong together even if it is only in a dance.

Simply I want someone to point out the uniqueness of my existence.

There I said it. Did I sound a little desperate? Sure. But it beats attempting to create an everyday Lady Gaga look to have some shock value admirers. I want to be honest and direct- as honest as I was with my friend, even if I was left unsatisfied.

Bottom line, we all hold a unique variation on our particular line of existence. Cool, awkward, or apelike - you’re rocking. If we tie this truth to being articulated we might go a lifetime when that word being spoken. Here’s the key-no one needs to say it out loud to have it be true, sometimes it just is. You don't have to work hard for people to notice your-youness...

Be you, and forget everyone else.

Have something to say about MY BODY? I hope it's GOOD.

2011-06-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

The first time I realized that my body was not ideal was when I was in the 4th grade. My elementary school crush, Tim Danilack (if that is how you spell it), announced to my class that I had the body shape of Doug Funny.

For those who don’t know, Doug Funny was known for his big nose, sweater vests, and pot belly. In that moment I was instantly made aware of my body, and that people looked at it and had opinions about it, negative ones at that.

Being made aware of my pot (which really was very small) was the first part of a long journey of bullying, bingeing, and further weight gain over the next 10 years. Each ounce of fat I gained, my peers invented a new name and embarrassing dance for me.

It became worse when puberty hit, for as I earned a more womanly shape of an hour glass, I was hoping to be seen as a desirable- or just kissable being. However, Hailey Zureich, being desirable was unthinkable on my campus.

A new body only led to new remarks, opinions, and damage from both peers as well as adults. Time passes, and I took full advantage of it to work on myself and personality. This does put me in the position of being one of those girls with a “great personality”, which on paper doesn’t quite make me sound like a looker.

I have also worked hard to lose weight, and work hard every day on a consistent healthy life style. At the same time, I sometimes struggle to look at my stomach without hearing the offbeat noises of the intro to Doug. There are days that I can’t even touch my legs without tears in my eyes. My ass? Well, bootylicouis pretty much healed all those wounds.

There is a mix of particulars that slip into my thoughts to keep me feeling “less than” beautiful, but in the last 6 months I’ve decided to change this. This is my body, and I have decided that no one else is going to tell me a damn thing about what they think about it.

Unless of course they have come to worship at the temple of Hailey divinity that it is.

Every day, I work to be the best version of myself. Consistent work outs, diets, and mediation have helped me lose weight. Of course I still struggle. Occasional negative thoughts about particulars of my body take over and I have to deal with them as they come.

Overall I have come to a place where I don’t care what anyone else thinks anymore.

Correction, I can’t care what anyone else thinks anymore.

When Timwho parted his hair down the middle and greased it down flat on his head, and I STILL had a crush on himDanilack made his first comment it had it taught me to sit shame faced and take it.

This became a habit throughout school, and morphed into a pleasant smiled internal emotional break down as a young woman. I would sit with a pleasant smile on my face while someone verbally assaulted my body.

The dimples in my legs, my general in-air quotes shape, the lack of ability to see the vertebrae of my spine, and all the other complaints, comments, or suggestions have all been brought to my attention, much like a complaint brought to a managers desk. I pleasantly accepted these, took them right on the chin (or chins in others opinions).

No more, you can just shove it
–Love, the Management.

This is my body. I cannot escape from it. I’m not going to treat it as a prison, or let others tell me what is keeping me from being perfect.

I found out, that no one ever really feels perfect. We all walk around self concouis about something about how we look. I realized then I wasn't the only one under attack, or looking to defend myself. So I say this to everyone: Looking good has everything to do with FEELING GOOD.

I know this sounds like something right off of a sparkling key chain, or the script of a Lifetime movie-but it is a fact.

My 3 part advice:

First, you need to stop being your #1 critic and start living to love yourself.

Be ready to turn off self hate. It is far too easy to list off your flaws, especially when you get on a good roll. This is not any help to you.

Burying yourself in self loathing is not going to get you out of the pit of despair. Find your climbing tools, whatever they might be; calling a friend, going for a 45 minute walk, drawing a picture, whatever it takes to get out of that box.

Get yourself out of that cycle, and into the self love/compassion one.

Second, LET GO of the notion of being a size number, and just purchase clothes that fit. If you go thru my closet you’ll find all sizes, what is important is that each piece fits.

Jean shopping can be one of the most emotionally crippling activities in modern times. Argue what you will, but it is only second to bathing suit shopping. Here are the facts, size doesn’t matter.

There are thousands of websites, TV shows, blogs, and venues to get information on how to dress YOUR body.

Your body today, not 5 pounds less. That body isn't here today, and the one that is wants to be noticed for all the right reasons. Dress the body you currently occupy.

Never underestimate the power of a well dressed body, and self confidence.

Third, you are beautiful. Did you hear that?

You are worthy of love and respect. In order to receive it you must be ready to accept it.

Loving yourself shines thru you to attract those who are going to bring more love to you. Believe in your self worth, your positive self image, and your natural graces.

Love yourself above all others.

Finally, don’t stay mad or hurt. I have forgiven all those who have trespassed against me for they did not know what they were doing.

In all truth I highly doubt anyone who spoke against my body considered the long term effects, or damage it might cause me. Of course, for those who did spread that kind of ugly around I trust you have your reasons and will be or have been visited by karma.

At the end of the day I don’t want to waste too much time thinking of people who have hurt me. My thought lines are saved for my good ideas.

Everyone is beautiful.

Even Doug Funny.

Social Networking = Employment

2011-06-02T14:13:00.000-07:00

As a job seeker, it is more important than ever to have an online presence. We have all heard tales of people whose facebook/twitter pages, online images, or videos were brought up midst an interview. More often than not this is more of an anecdote about the “dangers of a status update.” There is no need to be afraid of the status monster, if you're ready to defend yourself from it.

For I know of many people who never see a job description, and are invited in for a interview based on the style, decent grammar, and personality showcased in tweets, updates, and blogs alike. People are being found to fill positions without looking, meaning they were just found.

The buzz about social networking towns is that as soon as 2015, formal resumes will not be in regular use as they are today. This does not mean that we can toss our 32 lb crème sheets in the air with a YAY!!! This means that the submission process will be different.

Personally, I think it is more reasonable to think that between 2015-2020, job descriptions will fall to the way side. Why? As the trend of prequalifying candidates over the network streams strengthens it will make less sense to solicit for candidates when you can just pick them out. Also, often as companies evolve, they may not know that they are in direct need of your services or plainly, in need of YOU until they see what it is YOU can do.

Creating a personal brand allows you to set up a 360° view of all aspects of Y-O-U and the type of person and employee that you are capable of being. This allows the employer to consider how well you’ll work for them, if you’ll fit into the company culture, and if you’ll both be able to quote the same movies.

Other bits to consider the potential employer can see if you’ve been interacting with peers of the business/brand, how you articulate your brand/message/content, and how others interact/compliment/tag you. Your work ethic, previous experience, hobbies and additional skill sets.

Also, a face. When any company hires someone they are accepting you onto their team, and you become a representative of their company. You are the living breathing life blood of their brand/company. Is your face a fair representation of their company image?

Now, do you feel ready to be found? If you have answered no to this, I recommend you get ready.

It is important now, not to panic. Relax, there is plenty of time to develop a strong brand, take some great head shots, and distribute consistent quality content. If anyone considers “going underground” with their facebook I recommend against this.

Being found with content in need of improvement is far better than not being found at all. There are different settings you can use to protect particular information, but please make sure that at the very least your correct name, profile picture, About Me, and general information is available for review.

Twitter, makes it very easy to streamline yourself without giving away to much.

Follow three simple rules in developing your content:

Keep it Clean.

Consider this for both your written and visual content. This might cramp your style a bit, but get creative with your cuss words, slang, and really press your writer’s edge to use different words. Same thing with pictures, before you post a pic (You hear me Weiner-tweephearts?) consider how you might feel if your grandma, the President, or your kids were to see it while you were in the room with them.

Keep it Relevant.

Consider before you post something if it makes you relevant. There are people who are no longer friends with me on facebook. Not because I don’t like them- I just don’t care for their outlook; constant posts of “Today is the worst day”, “I am SO sick today”, “Surprise terrible day and my tummy hurts”, “I hope today is better than yesterday- (later that day) Today was WORSE than yesterday” make me want to emoticon throw up.

I don’t need to associate myself with people who are sick and frustrated that often. I’m way too upbeat for that. Other posts calling out negative marks of businesses, people, and places certainly have their appropriate places-but if you’re posts are heavily critical, or generally negative it may be hard to see how you might brighten up a new office space.

Keep it FRESH!

Don’t be afraid to reinvent yourself, rehash an idea, or put a new spin on an old classic. Be careful not to OVER use particular content, or repeat the same information. Remember the relationship you have with the radio, one day you love a song, then after 300xmore air time than a song would ever need- you HATE IT. Don’t let your followers see the same folly.

I have zero doubt that anyone is capable of framing their virtues in 140 characters or less.

Be ready to be found like the diamond in the rough you are. It will take time, energy, and creativity; all of which are available to you. By sticking to these rules, and following the cues of those in the know (For starters follow @HeatherEColeman & @Ron_Marshall –and take the classes at the FCC…they will guide you to the best of yourself) and it will be easy to connect yourself to your brand as well as your career path.

Rise & Thrive

Never say DIE!

2011-06-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I was a very bright and well behaved child. I was reluctant to do much more than disappoint my parents. Certainly I had my adventurous streak, but when I was in 4^th grade I put together that none of my peers were going to be the Goonies, or even the Rugrats. So, I redirected my energies to persevere to meet Atreyu and maybe ride a wish dragon.

Of course I have had my bits of mischief, I recall the lukewarm feeling that swells up in the body, and spreads through your limbs with the idea that you might get caught, or the tingle of glory in not getting caught.

This is a feeling some people use to bond together in a group, and if they film it right they might end up on Tosh.O.

Reconsidering the Goonies; I remembered when I watched that movie for the first time how exciting it was to see my peers, the weirdoes, nerds, brace faces, and quirky cute girls band together for adventure. They forever became my heroes that day.

This was a refreshing notion, considering the habits of the kids I interacted with. As half-pints of the suburbs we’d snub each other for having or not having a furby, Bebe t-shirt, which class you chose, knowing how to ride a skate board, etc. This is where the pattern to utilize trivial objects or topics to brand yourself to your own particular whimsical tribe.

There is always a struggle for the outcasts or drifters who never quite blended into the pudding mix of the social scene.

As we are animals of tribes it is our instincts to find signs to make it clear with whom we are meant to connect with. It can make it so much easier to think we might connect with someone if they get their coffee from the same shop, or they like the same sports, or wear the same style clothing. Looks can be deceiving, as can people.

There is a great avidity to collecting as the Goonies did. The Goonies, as a group connected not because they played the same sport, liked the same citrus candies, or wore the same labels. They found each other as the casts off of their peers, and accepted their comrades for all they were or weren't.

This hodge-podge of people seemed to have no distinct link or common interest other than the turbulence of the truffle shuffle. Here they were traveling together in their lives just for the pleasure of their unique company. Belonging doesn’t mean you have look like you belong -it’s about feeling like you belong.

In the same turn, we are not all designed to fit in perfectly with everyone or every group. Be ready to be a good enough friend to yourself to flitter out those who are not good to you, or who aren’t going to accept all parts of you.

Be good friends, and remember

Goonies Never Say Die!

Goodbye Oprah

2011-05-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

The Oprah Show went on the air in 1986, the same year I was born. My Mom started watching her show, and Oprah was a part of our daily lives. Sometimes Oprah was the focal point of 4pm to 5pm EST, and others she was just background noise.

For years I spelt my names backwards because of the Harpo that appeared that the end of the credits. It may have also had something to do with my dyslexia.

The first time we had a discussion about sexuality, and how it was ok to be gay was after an episode of the show focused on the topic. To this day, I think it made my sister’s as well as my family’s transition smoother than it could have ever been.

The first time I realized wearing dark denim with a certain cut would make myself look 5 lbs lighter was during one of her shows.

Countless heartwarming moments, real laughs, surprise facts about almost anything, and let's be honest not every episode was perfect-but it filled one hour 5 days a week. Even those who tried to copy her show, Tyra, could not sustain or maintain her energy, quality, and popularity.

People have feelings about Oprah, both positive and negative. Whatever your feelings might be, this woman has changed media forever. In recent years reality shows have dominated viewer waves, and have openly lacked reality.

Bizarre circumstances, ridiculous stunts, and mostly nude human beings have provided entertainment throughout the world. From this we can only gain pure entertainment, and something to pass the time around the water cooler with.

These parades of fantastic spaztastic people are as notorious to us as a Cold Stone ice cream. Although nearly overwhelmingly delicious, it certainly isn’t do anything for ourselves.

Oprah stimulated the thought. Whether it was about lifestyles, books, icons, movies, philosophy, healthy living, and consumerism we were all considering our positions on these matters a conversation would be sparked between people. Directly or indirectly.

Even if all content aside, people were merely discussing her current weight status.

Oprah will always be one my heroes, perhaps because she was around for most of my after school snacks but more so because she’s Oprah. She really is everything and nothing all at the same time. She continuously proves the cause of genuine living.

As many blessings Oprah has had, she has had just as many struggling. Oprah's life has been a journey.

Oprah has struggled with a great many things in her life, abuse, rejection, weight issues, relationship issues, and being Oprah. All of these items she grapples with all while being one of the wealthiest and most powerful human beings on this planet.

Beholding such a awesomely delicate force is a gift that for 25 years we have had the pleasure of baring witness. And I pay a deep respect to whoever might fill that void. I don’t just mean the time slot, I mean the person who will be taxed with the task of starting a conversation, leading a movement, and having the most idolized favorites list. That is a power not confined to an hour, or a time slot.

Ellen, you have my vote.

25 bits of Awesome

2011-05-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

On May 22 I will be twenty-five years old, a quarter of a century as people continue to say. In my life I have lived a great deal, and died a little. I would like before I make my full transformation from my early twenties to my mid twenties to reflect on 25 absolute truths in my life.

1. No one is perfect, and everyone feels that way. There isn't a being alive who doesn't feel their flaws, or feels your eyes upon them. As we are imperfect, we are at the same time the most marvelous. Just because you are not without flaw, doesn't mean you shouldn't treat yourself as though are priceless.

2. Everyone is equal.

3. I love my family, and I will always find a reason to forgive them, comfort them, and be kind to them. Everyone's families are complicated, messed up, and lovely. Don't ever believe you are a lone or that people wont accept you and yours.

4. Friends come, as well as go. Be ready, for this. Trust, that people come to us as we need them and go when they need to.

5. Shadows are good listeners.

6. It is better to have a a scary 5 minute conversation than to go about with dishonest/depressing/dissatisfying relationship.

7. Exercise at least 30 minutes everyday. It will change your life, and make you feel much much better.

8. No two people are a like and everyone is entitled to be treated as the lovely unique being they are.

9. A very good friend of mine told me something every girl should recognize that they are a princess. They should be treat with that they should be treated with the same respect, dignity, kindness, and romance as such.

10. Respect/Trust should be earned, not given.

11. It is necessary to say three kind things to yourself daily.

12. Don't be ashamed to poop in public, everybody does it no need to get sick over it.

13. Read. It is important to read at least one book every six months. Aside from taking you on the magic ride of your own imagination, it will expand your vocabulary, your patiences, and your grasp of concepts.

14. Three things should not be done in public/during conversations; 1. talking on one's cell phone 2. chewing gum 3. having an argument

15. Holding hands is my favorite.

16. Laughter is the best of all medicines and the best language.

17. Basic manners are mandatory. Please, thank you, your welcome, excuse me, etc. should be used by all.

18. Simple is always best. Many fancy thing have been shared between people and communities but it is always the purists that fit the needs, suites pleasures, and stands the test of time.

19. Before you worry about finding love with another you must find love within yourself.

20. If you are ready to find the solution there is no problem. No matter how momentous the event might be, there is always a ray of light guiding you to the other end of the tunnel. Consider Die Hard, Jon Mclane's major problem was that he couldn't express himself to his wife, but he had to figure out how to get the bad guys, save Christmas, and all without wearing shoes. He was ready to find the solution, all whilst looking ever so good.

21. Recycle good. Conservation best. Green future.

22. Do not try to change someone's opinion. What they think or feel is of their constitution- and is not something that will be changed in one conversation. Save your breath, and yourself the stress.

23. Knowledge is power, but it is not power enough. Applied knowledge is the real power.

24. Common sense is instinct and enough of it is genius. Use common sense more often.

25. You are wonderful treat yourself as such.

I am waiting to be king.

2011-05-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

Purgatory Thank you Terry Parris

I don’t think that I am having a quarter life crisis, but there is apart of me that believes that I am in the midst of a midlife purgatory. I just seem to be waiting for the next chapter of my life to happen whatever that might be.

This is the part of the movie where something big happens, and there is sorta that feeling in the air. We all know that feeling the semi vibration feeling like an imagery stampede of wildebeests are coming down the gorge and we are faced with the opportunity to rise and thrive.

I’m standing, waiting, I’m even practicing my roar, and yet the rumble has yet to be matched with an action.

Life, I have to admit I’m tired of waiting. I just can’t wait to be king-or queen-or whatever.

Some might argue that you have to sit, and be patient- others still will urge you to step up and make something happen. A lot can be said for either practice.

While you partake in patients there is the chance for you to observe what is around you. Take an inventory of it all; the people, place, and property.

What belongs to you now? Meaning, do these people reflect YOU in your current state? Does this place host a niche for you? Are the things orbiting your existence on par with YOU of today?

A great time to let things go is when you are standing still.

In terms of making it happen there is something to be said for that too. Wishing in one hand and shitting in the other is a grand example of how being proactive yields faster (and far more desirable results). However you can’t force everything even…the latter.

Proactive action is all centered on getting ahead of the curve. Action for action sake just makes you pooped. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself the time to tend to your everyday needs. Then when you are balanced you can approach the things/goals/activities/connections/etc. you actually need to be doing.

The next thing will happen, I’m sure of it.

                                                                                                                                        I only hope it doesn’t lead to me eating bugs.

O, When it is time for you to take action, be ready to run as you move out of your purgatory.

                                                                                 Because you get enough wildebeests together they will trample you.

Fluffing

2011-05-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

Fluffing – thank you Jon McCaffrey

I have freed myself a long time ago from restricting myself from flittering particular thoughts. These thoughts I have towards those around me. Anyone who knows me knows that there are many occasions when I share a compliment or two with people around me.

Family members, friends, and often complete strangers.

I have been accused of fluffing up people’s egos, or trying to be a Yakov. Of course it would be easy to consider a ramble of positive notes to be sassafras, especially when so often we are taught to flitter our affections for people.

When I was a girl, it was not often that people other than my family, and close friends would share words of kindness. As I grew older, an experience of great, great kindness was gifted to me by a complete strangers, for example I will share my affirmation which occurred less than a year ago.

As I drove by a school bus, a group of pretty young girls cried out to me that I was “Soooooooooooo BEAUTIFUL.” It seemed in an instance my childhood scars of being tortured by groups of pretty young girls were unwittingly healed by these strangers.

Which is why I freed myself from this flitter of friendliness, to open up to people to give them my truths. Allowing myself to share the love, the most powerful of all love...unconditional love.

We sometimes lose sight of ourselves, and cannot gain braining on our virtues. Consider the pineapple, on the outside it is oddly shaped, textures, and looks frankly odd. Of course it’s insides are beautiful, sweet, and best grilled-but it’s outsides have their perfections to, the beauty of it’s organic architecture, fun leaves, and head like qualities are quite pleasing as well.

I think we should share these positive qualities/ideas/prespectives/thoughts and any other notion we consider of the pineapple to pineapples- ASAP! This may open up oppurtunties for pineapples to consider that they are worthy of love, positivty, growth, etc. -Then pineapples everywhere can get a grip on themselves.

I see the virtual whiplash on the faces of those who encounter my open admirations.

This may be seen as ostentatious, but I gift my honest impressions of the virtues of those around me simply to have my target hear it. Nothing more, or less.

It can be argued that at the same time we open up our “care stare” to the universe that we should also share our “constructive criticisms” to any all we meet. I feel that such observations should be left to the individual themselves (who is probably fairly hard on themselves as it is), their personal friends/mentors/parents, or Simon Cowell.

I encourage everyone to attempt to open up, and share their positives views of the world and the people in them. Sure, I sound like some kind of sprite like care bear spreading love, glitter, and rainbows all around the world. But I personally am a strong believer in karma, in the sense that the energy you put out comes back to you three fold.

Also, you should never do something with the expectation of reward or fear of punishment.

Tread lightly folks because false kindness is a sort of lie.

All this being said, I avoid the fluff to simply say the truth.

You’re excellent, really.

Butter lamb-butter knife.

2011-04-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

I like holidays where food looks like animals,

really adorable animals.

Happy chocolate rabbits & candy eggs to you.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2011-04-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Thank you Mandy Adwell

Why do I talk so much?

There are about three times a week when I think that very sentence to myself, or grumble it out loud as I walk away from one of my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious moments.

Those moments are where the words flow out of your mouth in a grand existentialist ramble of words. The majority of which are probably unnecessary for the conversation, yet they jazzercise right off your tongue and plop right in to the conversation time gap.

Some may argue that my generation is a bunch of tweeps who cut down everything into 140 characters or less. Sure this is a very “NOW” thing, streamlining our conversations to save time, space, and fast forward to our own little well #nerdgasms.

I argue that there is really something to the “twitter” effect, and I guess nerdgasms. But to stay on point I’d like to focus on what I’ll continue to refer to as the twitter effect. First, I’m in no way arguing that we should siphon our conversation to 140 characters or less. That’s ridiculous, but I do believe that sometimes when what we stumble around with words for 5 or more minutes for, could really be done in one or two sentences.

Often there is all this unnecessary fluff bulked up around our central point which can sometimes hinder our bottom line.

Example-

“Listen, I really feel like we need to talk. (Yes, it's that talk.) We’ve been together for X amount of time, and we’ve had some really good times. (Insert positive example here). Bottom line, (which is not really a bottom line, just a segue to the bad part) You’re a really nice guy/girl, smart, funny, good looking-but I think we should just be friends. I think because of (Insert negative example) we just aren’t going to work out. You’re totally awesome and I hope we can still be friends…”

What was the point? It’s this huge build up to this antediluvian moment in a relationship. This clear cut is made murky with all this foreshadowing and mixed views on the other person which are shared to ease the pain of what’s coming next. Really it just pulls someone in an undertow cycle of confusion and rejection.

To “tweet” it-

“I think we need to break up. You’re still cool-but this is not working.”

Boom- or SPLASH. It was said, clean, clear, and straight to the point.

Fact- people are going to break up on twitter some day....help if you need it.

This is very scary. There is no blend of friendly chat to ease someone into the point of a hard topic such as “I want to break up.” If you dare to be bold enough to give your courage a healthy dose of spinach to just “go there” I feel this frees you to have a more open discussion about really becoming friends.

As an aside I’d like to briefly state, if you really don’t want to be friends you should just say that.

Now that I have muddled around this blog I want to get to my point: practice cutting down on what you say. Think of how powerful just three words are; I love you.

It’s amazing how really easy it can be to cut your sentences down to two or less sentences if you only practice.

Consider your voice a precious gift. Your words are rare things to be carefully selected and shared with those who are ever so worthy.

Fiscal- thank you Mike Mayer

2011-04-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Fiscal...hehehehe

Aside from being a slightly funny word we all live in a society that is ruled by our ability to be fiscally responsible. I’d like to boldly say out loud, I hate this and wish it were not so. That’s right, I hate being fiscally responsible- I despise the time spent painstakingly debating the value of one purchase or another.

I long for the days when I would simply do some merge house chores to earn my allowance which would be used for solely for fun-fally purchases. Like that pair of Furbies, movie tickets, or a late night dinner at Ram’s Horn.

Those days are long gone…

Now I face daily questions such as; Shall I pay rent, or may I take a two week trip to London with a good friend? Shall I pay off my car or pick out new duds for the spring months? Groceries or dinner out? Toilet paper or Life & Style magazine?

It's enough to make you want to defenestrate!
Those types of choices seem very Goofus and Gallant, but if you think about it, but the truth is you do have to chose everyday to be fiscally responsible or not.

This seems very black and white- either be good or be bad. That isn’t what I’m saying at all. Responsibility in my eyes implies a particular balance.

As all things in the universe should be balanced, you must of course take care of your needs but also on some level satisfy your wants.Being fiscally fit is as important as being physically fit and keeping your self physically fit. Pay particular attention to keeping up a callipygian.

F.R. doesn’t have to be all going without and misery. By being savvy, thrifty, and frankly, a little cheap, you can balance out. Consider the three basics luxuries usually compromised when trying to keep to your budgets: Fashion. Food. Fun.

Fashion-

Do you love name brand labels? Do you have some cloths in your closet you that you know you’re never going to get around to wearing? Well, bag ‘em up and head out to Ferndale’s Regenerations orPlato’s Closet in Madison Hgts.

As a lifer thrift store shopper, I can say the world of resale is prone to bringing great styles at what seems like a steal of a price. The up side to resale/retail shops is that they do some of the digging for treasures beforehand. Added bonus? They buy your gently used items to give you cash or store credit.

Renew-Reuse- Restyle.

Food-

To live we must eat. It has been said what nourishes us destroys us. Most often I think this idea is related how eating out destroys our bank accounts. However, fun new recipes you can look up online- more over you can try to play match up. The goal of the game is to try to mimic or match your favorite dish from your favorite restaurant. Three general categories portion, taste, and looks. Nothing is tastier than a dish served with judgment.

In the event that you can’t stop yourself from eating out, try sharing a meal. With “American” sized portions more often than not, a dish that would be served for one can easily feed two. If you’re not quite full you can fully justify a dessert.

Fun-

This is vague, but everyone has preferences to what they pursue for fun. Some enjoy traveling, movies, theaters, concerts, etc. If you’re looking to check out some of your favorite adventures, check out discount offers on groupon, and livingsocial. I also encourage you to explore your local scenes. Often times a tweet can lead to 5% off to a free drink.

O yea- reimagen fun.

Do be afraid to explore adventures outside of four walls.

Go outside. There are tons of parks and if you get ten people together with a round rubber ball, kick ball can be a real thrill.

Or if the weather wont allow- it’s amazing how much fun real fun a deck of cards can hold.

The most fun you will ever have is connecting to others.

Counting down every cent from paycheck to paycheck is uncomfortable, and in some cases a reality. Hopefully this will take the pain out of your payday, and empower you to be fiscally responsible.

More importantly you'll be winning.

Weirdo.

2011-03-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

The other day, my mom brought it to my attention, that I was afraid of being that weird, fat, little girl that I was so many years ago. After thinking about it, I realized I’m not afraid of being her; it’s far too late for that now. I’m more ashamed that I didn’t accept and love her.

I have never been a sensibly pretty girl. Sensibly pretty girls are the girls that are by first, second, and third glance “pretty". There is great weight placed on particulars in our society’s concept of beauty. Not only do I literally fall short, but I also fall wide.

Also, I’m weird. Not that I’m unlikeable, but I’m simply different. Different can be bad during those years that we’re all trying to be the same, fit-in, and make it out of high school with some self esteem and dignity.

When I was younger, I wasn’t as aware of how odd I was. As I grew older I felt my awkwardness and resented it…and desperately attempted to avoid it. It was as though I treated myself like a tag along kid sibling that was bumbling, immature, and always holding myself back from being a part of the “in crowd.”

I did accept that I was never going to look like the other kids, and would probably never be like them either. Instead, I bought into this idea of the story of the Ugly Duckling. That I would come out of my awkward, growing-up stages to emerge a beautiful Swan, un-phased by my past, with only a beautiful future ahead of me.

Also, I was certain that the beautiful girls and boys who snubbed and harassed me would grow old, ugly, fat, and hateful. Maybe have lots of kids- that would hate them. They would live small, meaningless lives, and be envious of my success. Oh, of course I would find a Prince Charming somewhere in the mix to relieve me of my fear of dying alone.

That’s where the justice would come for my inner child. The great balance would be struck, and we would all live out the endings we deserved.

Nearly eight years have passed since I left high school. The power of facebook has provided enough information to ensure me those who were good looking in high school are still, in variations, good looking. However, I have the small satisfaction of putting together that their lives were as small as their personalities. (Go ahead, that’s small of me. But it does make me feel a little bit better)

Despite my greatest efforts I have still kept to me. I still don’t look like my peers, I still have an odd demeanor, and sense of being…I’m still all the things I was…just a little taller.

Moral of the story: There was a really weird little girl that I hung out to dry, and have spoken badly about to try to save face even today. I’ve thrown her under the bus to try to move forward without ever looking back.

I am afraid that people will see me as that chubby weirdo girl. Just as I was afraid people thought of me as that when I was in grade school. However, you can’t control what others think of you. You can, however, control how you think of yourself.

My inability to fully accept even the most unacceptable parts has kept me form nurturing a healthy self esteem.

With this new knowledge, I now proudly proclaim “I AM ME! THIS IS ME GOOD BAD UGLY LOVELY-YOU WANT SOME COME GET SOME!”

I vow to refrain form further pollution of my self esteem with self deformation.

I was weird, but I was also a mini bad ass, and I didn’t fit in, but I always belonged to myself.

And always will.

I love myself today.

Trendy

2011-03-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

Your first car will forever be your best car.

Not because it actually is the best car, but because it is your first experience of mobile mechanical independence.

Some people are lucky enough to get a newer car when they pop their automobile cherry- I was not. After my Grandma passed, I inherited a 1995 Geo Prizm which I proudly named “Trendy.”

From 16 to 24 this red, lil’ Geo got me from place the place. For a very short period of time my youngest sister drove Trendy, and I have to admit those were sad days for me.

Trendy gave me wings of freedom, in a sense. The first time I drove alone, I drove to my part-time job at Macomb Family Care singing the Ben Folds Five cover of “She Don’t Use Jelly” all the way there.

Quick drives to the gas station, long journeys out the Michigan Renaissance Festival, trips to the beach, solo cry sessions, terrifying snow storms, and so much more- all of that shared with the tan/grey interior of Trendy.

All good things must come to an end, and Tuesday marked the last moment Trendy would be mine.

Bittersweet in every sense of the phrase.

I’m excited about Mighty- the name of my new 2000 Mazda Protégé; which I admit I am already found of for its accent aigus and built-in owls. However, there will always seem as though something is missing since that low rumble, odd smell, random dimples, and gold racing stripe of Trendy are now gone from my everyday life.

Thank you Trendy for nearly ten years of perfect service.

You will always hold a special place in my life, and my heart.

That’ll do Trendy….That’ll do.

Happy Valentines Day

2011-02-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

OK Valentines day is made up.

Well, there was a Saint Valentines. He helped out some old timey prostitutes by tossing gold coins in their window so that they could get out of the hustle and start living by the Lord. It was a very kind and lovely thing.

Really- a day to be kind and lovely to women.

Something happened in between that subtle sentiment to morph into this red, pink, white, and heart shaped day. People go out and spend to much money on flowers, sweets, and jewelry to express their love or commitment to their significant others-or in street terms “sigi-o’s.”

Truth time- Love costs nothing.

Commitment costs nothing.

Happiness costs nothing.

Stop with the pressure.

My boyfriend- has been a nervous wreck about fudging up today. He was toying with the idea of picking me up an iPod Touch- which is super thoughtful. But the idea he was picking it up to throw a red bow on it to say “I love you”-made me feel bad. Even worse considering I would only be playing angry birds on it.

Really, having him sing Beatles songs to me on his acoustic guitar, cooking me dinner, and maybe some flowers is all I need.

Keep it simple & Keep it real.

Jinx- Josh Elliot

2011-01-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

"Everyone in my close knit industry knew I was a screw-up"

page 22 sentence 14 Waiter Rant: Thanks for the tip. Confessions of a cynical waiter

Jinx Thank you- Josh Elliot

If they say you're a screw up-are you a screw up?

I was reading thru an article from NME Magazine going over the frivolousness of the show ‘Skins’. The author, a fifteen year old boy with the ever-so-English name Alfie McKenzie, discussed the unrealistic characters, story lines, of course, the difference in comfort zones of Europe vs. the USA.

But the theme that I clung onto was the perpetual concept of high school culture. You know, when I was on the outside looking in to high school and college, big screen movies gave me the impression that particular stories would play out. People would fall madly deeply in love, rivals would battle it out on the dance floor, best friends forever would be made, teachers would form deep bonds with their students, and house parties would be huge events with people every where- and Julia Stiles would dance on table tops.

I may have jinxed myself in 8th grade by writing out my “time capsule” detailing my hopes to form deep friendships, gain popularity, kids got in trouble, be crowned some kind of queen, and fall in love with my first boyfriend. Really, I wanted to have the full blown ugly duckling loser transformation to Swan Winner-Rachel Leigh Cook style- the art, the cute bob hair cut, and Freddie Prince Jr. to boot. That’s what I wanted my story to be.

Just as the story lines of those movies, my “hopes” played out in muted versions of my expectations. Sure, people “feel in love”- and had versions of what people would call “romantic relationships”, at our school rivals mostly attacked like idiots during lunch, some teachers connected with students but the majority of those connections faded quickly after graduation, and I’ve never been to a high school house party- but as I heard thru the rumor mill- they were never more than 20 people- maybe the cops might show up but nothing rad.

As for my personal goals, I just became really good at being the chubby “cute” friend with the personality. But I was hopeful when I got to college I would grow up to be something really something. I’d be one of those sharp, brilliant geniuses on the Dean’s lists- at the same time I’d transform into some hot college co-ed. Of course I wanted to fall deeply in love with a guy. I wanted cross country road trip to help this guy find himself, and then find himself in love me rather than Alicia Silverstone- and drive home with a fist full of freshly picked daisies holding hands with Paul Rudd. That’s what I wanted my story to be.

I had learned from watching movies about college- It was a hot, sexy, expensive, stressful, cliquey, inebriated, and weird place. People would spend their time drinking, joining college clubs/sororities/frats, amazing banter ridden relationships, partying, taking up weird hobbies, drinking, avoiding going back to parents, clubbing, crazy road trips, partying, long hours studying/cramming, getting high, working shoddy internships/ jobs, and CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!!

Again, my college experience was far more muted than what I had seen in 60 or more minutes in a “college” flick. Maybe because Oakland University has a major commuter population, but the majority of students were focused on their studies, working to make some money, and sure, there was some partying but nothing too crazy.

I did sharpen up.

I lost a lot of weight, started dressing like a real live person rather than someone I saw in a movie once character, and dabbled in romances. I worked some shoddy jobs, with some really cool people, made and lost friends. I came out the other side with a bit of debt, a college degree, and really no idea what to do next.

When I see shows like Skins, or movies like PCU- I wish I could sit next to every preteen and precollege student to tell them the truth. Your story isn’t there. What you’re seeing is a slight version of the truth. You can’t be categorized, or compacted into one version of what you’re seeing.

Even if every person you know believes you will never be more than a screw-up, prom queen, burn out, geek, or whatever.

You are not defined by that, or limited to it. You can play out any version of that.

Your story is to be made.

Starring you, and the people you choose to cast in it.

I’m glad I figured that out before I got into the working world….

I’m also glad my life is a lot like the Office. When it was good. Yeah.

Intensity

2011-01-24T17:53:00.000-08:00

Intensity- Thank you @generationprime

Appreciation

2011-01-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

Appreciation via @ekarff

Thank you is a phrase practiced by the polite. “Thank you” seems to be prompted by an exchange of some sort. Simply delivered, it may or may not be accompanied by authentic gratitude.

Either way, it doesn’t really matter. The exchange of courtesy has been made.

The aspect I think we are overlooking is the practice of true appreciation. Expressing what you deeply admire about an individual. Personally I see this as the most sacred gift one can give to another.

As a child of the “everybody gets a trophy” generation, I know how slighted, empty, and ridiculous a general “you’re {insert compliment here}” can sound/feel.

Which is why occasionally, I think it is necessary to be reminded of our individual unique graces. Not that a verbal parade of praise needs to explode into full swing every time you write well in cursive, remember to pick up paper towel from the super market, or finish a full season on your basket ball team.

What I mean is we are witnesses to each other’s lives. Too often we play silent roles, where we see the amazing things the people around us are, do, feel, etc. – in these moments of admiration, it is easier to simply smile and not speak.

I dare you all though, to express you’re appreciation. Take a moment to make this person aware of their shine. It’s easy to over look our own sparkle, and be envious of others.

If you practice looking for the graces, it becomes easier to see things to appreciate in life.

So take the time to praise each other as you should.

Thank you, for being you.

Acceptance

2011-01-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you “acceptance”- @bizprov

Acceptance. We all crave to belong, get along, and ultimately be accepted. We read books about transforming Outsiders into Insiders. We watch movies about strangers becoming close friends. We observe people grouping together in their cliques and feel the small twinge of rejection.

Oh, I said it- the big fat R word we all avoid: Rejection. It’s probably one of the healthiest experiences in our lives. Honestly, consider the opportunity that arises during rejection. Although painful, rejection reinforces one’s self worth, as well as forces us to evaluate our goals/desires in order to decide what we’d truly like to pursue.

Interactions would be so boring if every time we reached out to make a friend, we were embraced. Think of how overwhelming our lives would be with lunch dates, party plans, baby sitting, and any other thing we would have to accept into our lives. Rejection is healthy.

This is something that just recently came into my understanding of life- this delicate balance of acceptance and rejection. This, I suppose, is simply another mirror of the yins and yangs of life. However, I think the point is still valid.

Acceptance is best practiced when it comes to you. Exercise daily self acceptance, appreciating all those little things others may overlook. Beam in admiration for all those things that others may not consider a “good look”, and finally accept yourself 100%.

Leave the rejection to the universe to bring about, and be ready to process this as an outside element of yourself- something to strengthen you rather than break you.

In the face of a thousand outside NOs- they can all be drowned out by the resounding YES of you for you.

Worth

2010-12-14T06:57:00.000-08:00

Worth thank you - @zhailey

At some point in my life I got this idea, that my worth was based on what I can do for others. This was not always this way, at one point I felt free to love myself- completely. At one point this concept of "do for others so that they will like- me"- has been ruleing my life. I am not alone in this state of mind, but recently I have begun to detach from this taxing, self-induced niche I’ve designed.

As hard as it might be to believe (you hear me, self), my value has less to do with what I can do for them, and so much more with who I am to them. Moreover-what I can do for myself.

At the same time I just wanted to recap for myself, and for anyone else who needs written words to prove it: a handshake does not a friend make. Just because you know their first name does not mean that you are best friends.

It can be confusing to think, considering that most buddy flicks are 120 minutes long, when you spend about that much time with someone that magically you are now kindred spirits. It’s also easy for people to spend time around you when you let them walk all over you, pick up the tab (at your insistence), and focus on their needs. All relationships take time to mature- and this might be a span of time that is longer than it would take to get a Hot’n’Ready, or for a page to upload on your smartphone.

Worth isn’t about a transaction of what is more or less valuable, it’s about a balance. This delicate practice of respecting your boundaries, your friend’s boundaries, and balancing the give/take- sprinkled with confidence can consistently remind anyone- You are a worthy human being.

You are a worthy human being.

Horse Apple

2010-11-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

Horse apple – thank you @arron_johnstone

For most people, swearing is probably an interesting part of any language. If you think about it, when you find someone who does fluently speak another language, one of the first inquiries one makes is about the 7 words.

Ugh, if you won’t admit that’s what you ask, I will. I always ask about the dirty words they might know if not to say them myself, then to know if someone is saying them to me.

Consider the word “horseapple”. The first time I experience words like that, I almost always assume they are a swear word, or an insult. Until, of course, I google the word.

Knowing now that “horseapples” are giant green fruits, or videos on YouTube, I will feel free to use this word as I please. For its regular meaning or for a dirty insult.

I love swear words. I don’t use them often online, because if my Mom were to see them, I’m about 90% sure she could still punish me, even though I don’t live with her anymore. However, I’m not too particular about rules like that. Also, I try to use them rarely when speaking.

The masters of cuss words show us that there is a delicate balance between sounding brilliant and sounding belligerent (or just looking like an idiot...).True geniuses of language know how to season in just the right amount of cuss for the conversation. If you’re looking to see if you over-use dirty words, try this: For 24 hours, replace all bad words with “horseapple”, if you feel like a moron the 23rd time you say it in an hour, maybe you should reconsider how much you swear.

NAP

2010-10-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

Nap, thank you @jennybloomer

The snooze button is arguably the most genius piece of technology of modern times. It is the instant nap button. There is nothing more satisfying than rolling over to hit snooze, only to roll over again and doze off for another 5 or 10 minutes.

Now, we can all admit that 8 hours far outweighs the 5 minutes or 300 seconds that the average snooze button allows, but somehow there seems to be a heightened satisfaction for the snooze sleep vs. REM sleep. I am in no way speaking against the power of REM sleep. In fact, short of being in a coma I imagine that all sleep is satisfying, more over useful for recharging mind, body, and spirit.

Some people are night owls, and others early birds. I know that I spring out of bed everyday before 9am, and without so much as a cup of coffee, I am ready to take on the whole world. But as the day wears on, and 10:30pm rolls around, this lil’ birdie is ready to crash- which would be fine…

Except there is a nagging feeling overwhelming my sleepy head that my slightly night owl boyfriend is going to be up for 2 more hours. This wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t still have that same feeling I had at a sleepover as a kid. You guessed it. I was always the first one down at sleepovers, and the one going home with a personalized face tattoo.

The angst wavers as I naturally drift off to sleep. As time has worn on, I realize that he probably won’t put my hand in hot water, or try his hand at being a face painter. I also realize that my night owl is taking a chance too: trusting that at some point between my first snooze and my second, I wont use my early bird powers of wakefulness to set up an elaborate out-of-bed prank.

With this new comfort of shared vulnerability as dawn blooms, I hit snooze, roll over and cuddle up…before I wake Adam up with a feather and handful of shaving cream.

BAIT

2010-10-05T05:39:00.000-07:00

Bait- thank you Jim Krueger

When I was kid, my Uncle Dan lived out of state; when he came into town it was quite the treat. There was certainly a cherry on top if my twin cousins Kate and Taylor tagged along. This was not always the most pleasant experience, or the most wishy-washy. To this day, I am still the short cousin even though I run the rank of third oldest, and that is probably the most interesting thing about me to my family.

Kate and Taylor connected easily with my tomboy sisters Julia and Mandasia. Not to say I was all pretty in pink, but I was no whiz with soccer balls or yo-yo’s. However, I did feel mighty rad the day my Uncle took us fishing off the Detroit River.

Uncle Dan took Julia, his daughters, and myself out to pick up bait, snacks, fishing poles (I was the only one to pick the little Mermaid one,) and we made the trek down to the river front. There under the grey sky everyone took turns baiting my hook, because there was no way I was touching a worm.

I managed to develop the on-the-spot talent to hook any large rock with in a ten-foot radius. So I spent plenty of time trying to un-hook myself, and asking my Uncle to help me. I was not impressing anyone that day, until after a particularly long cast there was a distinct tug on my line.

At first I suspected yet again that I was stuck, so I called out to my Uncle, who shifted his slight resentment to my inquiry to surprise as he watched the little Mermaid pole bow. I then worked my small hands and short arms as best I could to bring in my prize, a twenty-pound gold carp. My Uncle, sister, and cousins alike stared dumbfounded. I was thrilled. Fishing, for a child at least, is all about chance. But I truly felt like a king that day- or maybe just a fishy little Princess.

Grass

2010-09-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

thank you @aottenbr for: Grass

When I was in 8th grade, while waiting for the school bus, my younger sister Julia found a bag of weed. She being a hard core, thug life kind of person, initially believed that the contents of the bag were heroin- but I assured her after watching thousands of episodes of COPS, it was in fact grass.

There was a moment where some of the 10 or so kids at the bus stop began to encourage Julia to sell the bag, or hand it over to them. I saw my sister struggle with what she was going to do. True to the after school special fashion I confiscated the baggy from her, and proceed to do what I thought was right.

As soon as we boarded the bus I told the driver about the bag, and told her that we would take it directly to the principals office, which we did. I thought this would be an opportunity for my sister to see good deeds being rewarded. As we turned over the bag, I sort of expected some kind of pay off, but it seemed choosing our own jolly ranchers was as fancy as it was going to get.

The point being, sometimes doing the right thing is just about doing it. Because doing the right thing is about doing it without the expectation of reward or fear of punishment. Even if the reward feels like a insult.

Pollination

2010-09-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

In 5th grade, Mr. Hathaway was teaching us about how bees play an active part in their environment by pollinating flowers as they collect their food. He made a reference to the gender of the worker bees being male; which caused my prepubescent arm to fly up into the air so that I could share my useless factoid from the Animal Planet about how all worker bees were female. Further establishing my fate as class spaz/dork combo.

I wish I could say I know why I felt the need to interject, or what purpose I thought it would serve. A niche is used to describe the role that an organism or population plays within its community. Who says you don’t use what you learn in elementary school? Much like the bee that pollinates where it eats, we all have a symbiotic relationship with our environment.

Meaning the relationship between your existing space, and your existence is extremely close. The effect you have on one another can define an entire state of mind- beyond the concepts of feng shui, and metaphysics- to simply consider the quality of experience for you. Obviously, every moment is not going to be perfectly designed to tend to your every need- but please consider and commit to healthy niches.

From the Suggestion: Disappointment

2010-09-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

The first time I recall using the word, disappointed I was no more than seven years old. After reading the book ‘Cat in the Hat’ I had developed a ‘knock off’ version of the story that had more of a feminine perspective, and edge. Being that the cat wore a pink bariye, rather than a striped top hat. Chapeaus aside- I was quite excited by my attempt at literature- and I asked my Dad to make some copies.

Copies, of the ten pages of scribble, and pictures that in my eyes told the story of a frisky kitty making friends with bored kids, so I could pass them out to my teachers. He agreed to. I spent the whole day at school in a state of excitement about the prospect of being- for all intensive purposes for a kid- published.

When I got home, I waited ever so eagerly until my Dad got there. When he arrived I was all a fluster, and it happened- I asked him “Dad, did you make those copies?” He responded “O, shoot you know Hailey, I totally forgot.” –I was devastated, I looked up at my father and said “Really Dad? I was counting on you…and you really disappointed me. How could you let me down?”

The rest was a short blur, but moments later my Dad produced the copies. Apparently I really didn’t cling onto sarcasm until I was a little older. None the less, about a month ago this incident came up in my head, and for a short while I have been wondering if I should apologize. I know it was a long time ago-but I wonder if my Dad has been haunted by the concept ever since that fateful day- perhaps that’s why he won’t give me any sarcastic pot shots.

Disappointment is such a crushing state of being, and I certainly was not crushed.

I have decided that I will not apologize, and I will instead be more careful in my choice of words. Today- I will tell my Dad how thankful I am that I can always count on him…

I just hope he doesn’t pick today to take another whack at being sarcastic.

Say What You NEED to Say

2010-05-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

Say what you NEED to say- is much more than just a lyric from one of John Mayor’s arsenal of fuzzy feel sentence bank, I believe it how we should communicate every day to those around us.

Generally speaking the notion of “if you don’t have anything nice to say-don’t say anything at all” can fit the bill 'self edit' communication. However, I think we have reached a point of communication evolution. The truth is-we need to hear the not so nice things- in the same turn we also need to evaluate the motive of our words.

We sometimes need to know the truth. Hiding the truth under niceties can leave people in a worse spot. There is a difference between being kind, and being honest. Just as there is a difference between being cruel, and clever.

Simon Cowell, is the perfect example. Although I am not an avid 'Idol' fan-I have always been a fan of Simon. He tells it like it is, with occassional spice of extra snarky. For the particular filed the participant aspire for comes with endless scrutiny, so pushing on the soft skin of a 'newbie' is just what to doctor ordered to TEST to see if they really can make the cut. Although his message can come across brash, one-sided, and even frankly mean-in the end I think his message is the most beneficial.

However, the way he tops of his great information with hurtful blow can often over shadow his message. How valuable is a hurtful remark vs a serious critic? It is very clearly one thing to blast out insults, it's another thing to offer up a critic. It does not take a brilliant mind to string together some hurtful words-so anyone who lobs on heavy insults shouldn't leave you with a great deal to ponder.

Say what you need to say-both to motivate change, as well as affirm someone. I always like to remind people of their greatness when ever I get a chance so that hopefully they will never forget their strengths. It's something I feel I need to say.

The Facebook of Today is the Family Album of Tomorrow

2010-05-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

In this day and age we are more connected than we have been ever. In the sense that in the span of a merger ten minutes you can update a picture of yourself, inform people of status, twitter, and check out the latest hilarious video on YouTube. This is something that even ten years ago people seemed overwhelmed by, they were just getting used to chatting in multiple aim boxes---I know I was. That’s what growing up was for our generation. Certainly we have evolved with our technology, some of us better than others, and as we move forward along side our technology, something has occurred to me. My peer group, we were walking some of the first steps dry from the internet primordial soup. We got to grow up in the internet in a way no one else had because it wasn’t something being discovered, it was something being lived in. We posted the MySpace pics, status updated, cultivated farmland, and tweeted like we’d always done it---‘cause we had.

At the Ferndale Career Center we have series of different workshops that deal with the concept of personal branding. Personal branding is a way to self promote by utilizing social networking sites to describe who you are, what you’re involved in, what you’re like, etc. This is a great way to present yourself to potential employers, peers, and in some cases significant other’s parents. Even if you’re not directly thinking about your presentation, you are still directing a message to anyone who clicks through your facebook, linkedin, twitter, etc. You are as in control of your virtual identity, as you are in how you present yourself physically in real life. The things you wear, the car you drive, the look of your home/bed room/dorm room, the activities you participate in, the music you listen to, etc---these things ascribe to nearly subconscious elements of who you are.

Certainly not defining you, but they speak to parts of you. You can take your networking site and use it to say what you want. This is quite the liberating feature, to be able to say to the world “This-is-ME,” take it or leave it. One of the major elements we use to present ourselves, much as in life as we do virtual, are visual elements. The pictures, or quaintly, “pics,” are important visuals for our networking sites. We use profile pictures and albums to showcase our best side, the strategically planned “self portraits” (that we are all guilty of), others are the fun group outings trips, the hilarious evenings of mayhem at the bar/house party/city streets. Some albums include very special pictures; the pictures of babies, and kids. The direct offspring, nieces/nephews, cousins, family friend’s children, the kids we baby-sit, neighbor kids, etc. they’re out there, for the world to see. This got me to thinking, avoiding all the Chris Hanson rigamarole, I just want to offer this.

Think about the bigger picture- people are having full lives, with friends, romance, occupations, children, etc. For people who utilize networking sites they are presenting about these aspects. But what are we doing when we present information/content about our/the children? We start making decisions for children from the moment we begin to ponder their names. The great debate over babies’ names begins, for we all know a name says a great deal about someone. Which is why we no longer name little girls “Bertha”---because “Bertha” doesn’t seem to present the idea of a beautiful, smart, clever, sexy, perfect Goddess---that we hope her to grow up to be. This is also why we are so selective about the user name, AIM handle, or email address we use. For professional emails people use the endlessly classy first initial last name @gmail.com---but for fun I might use redheadharleyquin86@gmail.com --- to ascribe my attributes, joker like sense of humor, and my general nerdiness.

If we consider this process, we can begin to see the importance of paying deference to future virtual identities of the kids. Long ago, and only on very important dates would parents bring out baby books with the infamous bathtub/bad hair cut/weird dinosaur phase pictures, the videos of the precious terrible two phase, and other such artifacts of our past. These private heirlooms were shared (often on repeat) with family, close family friends, and occasional suitors. To a certain extent it was only those who you could physically be in the room with---and to whom you could explain “My family put me up to it…” It’s important to consider that your facebook of today, is the family album of tomorrow. Now though, people are posting the adorable history of kids on facebook, youtube, and other networking sites. As someone who has yet to spawn, I don’t really know what my opinion is on this, really I’m writing this as a charge for responsibility. Be aware that this person will grow up, and may or may not have to explain why Mommy/Daddy/ Whoever posted such things. From the pictures of the baby/kid plowing through your birthday cake, to the youtube video of the baby/kid dancing in diapers to Beyoncé, to the twitter updates about the baby/kid’s BM schedules (which I have been told are terribly nasty).

On top of that, I had the luxury of hiding my beloved family and or hiding the person I was dating until I thought it was right that they meet. Now, because one of my sister’s broke the “Mom doesn’t get a facebook~ until she stops calling it a facespace” code I thought we had all sworn to---my Mom can creep into my personal life with the ever-so-appreciated “I love you Buggy Boo!,” which really pumps up my dating appeal. Or the ever popular “Why don’t you ever call your Mother, Hailey?” Or my favorite, and the quickly deleted, “Really, that’s the guy you’re going to be going steady with?” photo comment, which really wasn’t as awkward as explaining to her that no one has ‘gone steady’ since I could remember. Thank goodness she isn’t so savvy on facebook---and pretty much just sticks with AOL. My friends can check out my mom, and my sisters, as well as some of my cousins to really get a full scope of where I come from. Certainly it is fair to say, these beings are a part of YOUR life.

That these creatures are the centerpiece to your existence until they move out, and you get your life back~ and it would be unfair to fathom presenting you without the thing made out of half of your chromosomes, or at the very least eats up most of your time/energy/money. Again, I don’t have an opinion about the posting, just bring it to the attention of everyone that when these babies/kids grow up and start to develop their online identities they won’t be coming with a clean slate like we had. With these different networking sites we have a grand opportunity to tap into resources that were not available during the days of “going steady”---but with this power of advancement we have to take responsibility for what our persona might mean for our productions of procreation. They will not be fording their online identities as freshly or freely as we have.

They will be working from a preexisting platform, not only from anything directly related to them, but the remnants of those who are related to them. These activities won’t be safely hidden in the homes for selective eyes with hopefully understanding minds, they will be out there in the internet (if we’re still calling it that) for interested/curious/ideal hands to point to, click at, and maybe laugh. The newcomers will either adapt to the preconceived identity, take measures to separate themselves from what they don’t want to identify with, or in the most drastic of measures completely cut themselves off from working on the internet. We must press ourselves to be conscious not only for the children, for the people in our lives as well, and your favorite person ever to be born---YOU. Think about how you present yourself, and how that might come across. Somebody has to think about the children. And the links to the children.

KickAss; An Opinion

2010-04-16T07:13:00.001-07:00

I had the pleasure of spending the latter part of my evening enjoying the latest graphic novel made to movie on the silver screen last night. As a virgin to the story of the comic book kid, turned masked vigilantly, I can only say that this film on it’s own was AMAZING.
KICKASS is the adventures of the everyday nobody kid, played by ringlets-galore Aaron Johnson- wanted to use his ‘powers of invisibility’-and the internet and a credit card when he solidified his role as HERO with the bold choice of emerald green and yellow scuba suit- to act as New York’s masked savoir.
The story defiantly has the power of reality-not underplaying the violence, pain, and awkwardness of everyday living. Which I’m sure some people will want to turn away from, but the story of KICKASS seems to demand the audience to take responsibility for our society’s voyeurism.
Each of us have spent some time utilizing some forum of media to watch ‘things’ happen to people/animals- (i.e; America’s Funniest Home Videos, youtube.com, COPS, failblog.org, Rambo, etc.) At times we have been direct witnesses to such events or more horrific instances-and as if we were still viewing it from a screen we either turn away, or go get a popcorn.
Although, throughout the story the movie certainly does not advocate our population to grab the next funky colored pair of tights and hit the streets-but it seems to show the benefit of getting actively involved in your community.
The tale of Big Daddy and Hit Girl-was brilliant. In my humble opinion this was by far Nicolas Cage’s best performance. The budding Chole Mortez, stole the show anytime she was one the screen. Although Hit Girl’s vulgarity, and violence may upset some-again I believe the story demands that society takes responsibility of our budding youth being born out of the raw world in existence today. (or perhaps simply bare witness to it.)
To take a short ‘girl power’ moment, I am STOKED for Hit Girl. There she was a smart, gifted, skilled, clever and purple wig wearing super heroine taking the spot light without being gift wrapped in latex, and lip gloss for spank banks everywhere-awesome. It’s almost as if original authors Mark Millar and John Romita Jr, and the writers of KICKASS were suggesting that women were capable of being capable without being (first and for most) comely.
Of course, the Red Mist- had a tangled tale of aspirations for friendship, rejection, deviance, heart break, betrayal, etc. Mclovin’-I’m sorry Christopher Mitz-Plasse, took a step out of his normal role of fumbling, scrawny, nerd sweet heart- to be awkward, scrawny, nerd- with a little more back bone- and desire for poetical. Poetical is a pivotal part of the Red Mist story line, because as in all super hero stories at some point you mist decide whether your cape will flutter for justice or deviance. Mitz-Plasse was perfect to tug on our heartstrings to see where this rouge-rogue’s story would go.
Finally the evil villain play by Mark Strong, was delicious. Charmingly evil, and fatherly- the ‘Mob’ Boss Frank D’Amico commanded the screen-and drove all three story lines together-and to their ark. Though he lacked the whimsical reference of transformation as the other characters possessed- it certainly offered a realistic view of a mob boss – who wasn’t in therapy and having anxiety attacks.
O-I guess there was a love story in there. It was, cute.
The film had a steady pace, and a variety of style flavors for all to enjoy. Visually it was outstanding, crisp, graphic, and authentic. The music selection was perfect-enough said. People can cling on to details like violence, and naughty words-but I hope that people drive themselves to see the true roots of this story line that encourage viewers to take a vested interested in their community, and the people around them-without an expectation of reward. KICK ASS –kicked ass.

Mission: New Wheels

2010-04-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

Since I obtained my drivers license there have been two cars that I have been a Captain. Both of these vehicles have served me well, and neither of them would I speak a poor word about-even if there were times when I would hope to see the Monte Carlo in a flaming heap on the side of the road. The Monte Carlo was starting on a particularly expensive decline, so I decide to take proactive steps.

I posted my Monte Carlo on cragslist.org, and in a meager two hours it was sold and gone. There was a flickering moment where I believed that the same ease, and speed of transaction would unfold as smoothly for me as well. The adventure began had begun in search for my next car.

The first step I thought was to articulate what car I was looking for. My list included, but was not limited to;
· Affordable
· Reliable
· Sedan
· Less than 120,000 miles
· Good on gas
· Would reflect my vivacious personality

I did not think I was asking for the moon or the stars, simple basics for an every day driver. I felt slightly lost at first since my general knowledge of car loans, and cars in general were limited.

My advice to anyone looking for a car, establish your finance line first. Being a rookie at car searches, I started seeking my car before I knew how I would finance it. Although I did have an idea of the limit of funding, it was not my first objective. Luckily, the lovely people at Credit Union One in Ferndale helped me get squared away with a loan in my ball park.

That being said, when I began discussions about my quest people would ask me “What kind of car are you looking for?” –and I would recite my script. A male friend of mine advised me to ‘take myself seriously’-and to do some research about different cars to choose vehicles to actively search for.

I had to wipe the dream dazzle from my eyes of looking at the savvy Smart Car, dashing Mini Cooper, and over all adorable VW Beetle- to consider my serious options. I started asking people in the know about cars they would recommend, and cars they have driven. I did some research on line about each one, compared them to my search criteria, and info from Kelly Blue Book.

I narrowed my search to three cars Saturn Ion, Pontiac Vibe, and VW Beetle. By leaving myself with some wiggle room, I felt my search was far more open-and the opportunity for success more likely. Two of my choices were serious contenders, the Ion, and Vibe- the latter was hopeful desire.

I felt lost for a while in the midst of the car search. There did not seem to be any cars available in my price range for what I was looking for. The stress of borrowing cars, asking for rides, finding funding, all bogged down on me leaving me stressed out and hopeless. It was not until I started reach out to friends, and family members for advice as to where to look to find a car that I started making some head way.

There was a brief moment where I thought I might capitalize on picking up a clunker just to drive into the ground. That is when I called in the cavalry, one of the best assets in my car search, was my Dad. He has an uncanny ability to find the diamonds in the rough, and he did just that. He managed to find me a 2005 Saturn Ion in superb condition, with less than 90,000 miles, and at just the right price.

Seemingly, mundane tasks such as buying a car are a great opportunity to practice your skills in; patients, research, resourcefulness, and financial planning. They also give you the chance to ask and receive help. This week sometime, I will be driving off into the sunset to hopefully have another successful, SAFE, and long term relationship with a vehicle. Thanks to those who helped me make the decision, and set me up with the tools to achieve my goal.

Bon Apetit.

2010-03-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

As I have begun to entertain in my apartment, I was reminded of times when my mom would have people over for dinner. Certainly these evenings weren’t as- we’ll say orchestrated as days of Jane Austen, where the rules of etiquette left the members of the party to simple fill in the blanks of conversation. Those days certainly limited it’s guests in certain respects, but in this day and age I think the liberal approach to table manners is limiting modern interactions as well.

As families adapted to try to evolve to best accommodate to the busy schedules of the family members, people moved from dining at the dinner table to random groupings in the living room to have a better view of the TV, or a solo meal at the computer. Personally, when I was young experienced laughs, chats, arguments, and resolutions made at that table. Those bitter sweet moments were invaluable to my development.

Life is a series of adaptations- but sometimes I wonder why we so comfortably adapted out of the kitchen and into our entertainment centers for meals. I do understand that we would adapt to some bad table manners.

This isn’t an absolute observation of all interactions, but I think we can all admit we’ve seen various couplings or groupings of people at restaurants, and dinner tables lapse on basic table manners. Just for a the sake of a public service announcement I think it’s important to remind ourselves of basic table manners that are up to date with modern times.

1. Sit up straight, do not hunch over your plate.

2. Turn off or silence all electronic devices before entering the restaurant or sitting at the table. If you forgot to turn off your cell phone, and it rings, immediately turn it off. Do not answer the call. Do not text at the table-or when you drive. If you have a Blackberry or iphone, do not browse the Internet at the table. Certainly tend to emergencies if they occur-but you don’t need to watch the latest youtube craze when you have people sitting right there to entertain you.

3. Napkin. I promise they have a purpose, and it’s not just so that your silverware have something to lay on, or be rolled in. Place the napkin on your lap after being seated. As needed, use it to gently wipe or dab your mouth. During a restroom break, place the napkin to the left of the plate. At the end of the meal, the napkin is placed neatly to the right of the plate (not refolded, but not crumpled either).

4. Wait until everyone is served before eating. If you are a guest, wait for the host to begin.

5. Utensils. The fancy details on which fork to use are no longer common place for dinning experiences, the modern standard seems to be salad fork, dining fork, knife or steak knife. Alternative utensils (i.e; spoon soup) are typically brought to the table with the dish with which it is intend.

In special cases remember; If unsure which utensil to use, remember "outside in"- the outer most utensil is used first. Once used, the utensil does not go back on the table, but is placed on the plate. When finished, the knife and fork are place side by side (parallel) on the plate with handles at the 3 or 4 o'clock position. Soup spoons are placed on bowl's service plate when finished; teaspoons placed on the saucer.

6. Bread or rolls: Place your bread and some butter on the bread plate. Tear off a bite-size piece of bread before buttering.

7. NO elbows on the table! If you are confused as to where to keep your hands. You can place your wrists or forearms on the table, or hands on your lap.

8. Keep legs next to your chair. Do not stretch legs out or cross your legs as they may bump others under the table. Footsy is cute, but is best played at home court with only two players.

9. Chew with your mouth closed. Do not overfill your mouth with food. Wait several seconds before taking the next bite. (Hopefully, In most cases) Your food is not going to run away from your plate, you have time to eat-so take it slow.

10. Avoid uncouth conduct such as talking with mouth full, burping, nose blowing, picking at teeth, grooming or putting on makeup at the table. Instead, excuse yourself from the table and go to the restroom.

11. To insure the most pleasant dining experience, avoid dining with those you hate. If you do have to dine with them- Taco Bell, and Jimmy John’s offers healthy menus, and you can be done eating in about a half hour.

Remember to say please and thank you, at the appropriate times. Also, don’t be afraid to eat slow, talk a lot, and enjoy the meal. Hopefully you’ve chosen to dine with people with whom you enjoy, and considering each plate is about eight dollars or more, you should take the time to enjoy the atmosphere you’ve paid for.

Creating a Comfort Zone

2010-03-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone. John Maxwell

Comfort zones, I see as bases from which we build a foundation. We can put our feet down there, and start to process the next step. Being that change, is the only consistent order of business in life, our comfort zone is constantly changing. Patterns develop out of living life, which I would consider that but they always evolve to become something else-no matter how similar still changed.

Transitions can be stressful, in some cases traumatic. I have found the more one struggles in transitions the more traumatic the event tends to be. I have personally been working on making intentional, or smooth transitions. The smoothest of transitions come from working from the comfort zone out.

Remember-

·Don’t Panic; I always like to start there. The first step to survival in any circumstance to NOT PANIC. Keeping a clear head, and open mind you will be primed to do the next most appropriate thing-and go from there. No matter what, everything is going to be just fine.

·Be on the same page; Competition is healthy for relationships, but if you’re competing in your relationship with one another you’ll both be losers in the future. Both parties need to agree to the common goal. By establishing a team mentality it should be understood that we’re in this together, we both want this to work, and we both know what we’re working towards. This will allow for a smoother transition.

·LISTEN; This seems like the most obvious step in a conversation- however this is one of the most difficult parts in communication. Some people confussing listening for pausing so another loud voice can happen...which isn't the case. We all know there are layers to what we say to one another, intonation, tone, pauses, and non verbal ques- however we need to check in with ourselves to be sure we aren’t putting our meanings, onto someone else’s motions. If you’re listening to someone you’re receiving their message, if you’re hearing them you’re flittering their message. When in doubt about what you have received you should never be afraid to ask for clarity.

·Decide what REALLY is the most important to you; In relationships you do have to pick your battles. Hopefully the goal isn’t to bicker over any old reason. Make conscious decisions about your approach to conflicts. When needed take time to consider your position-how serious is your need/want of the outcome, and what you really want to get across. The best time to have a peace talk is when you’re in a peaceful mindset. Think before you speak, and remember you’re both on the same team.

·Say what you mean, and mean what you say; Don’t make commitments you can’t keep. If you make a compromise make sure it’s something you really feel comfortable with. It’s always better to say no-and mean it, then say yes and not.

·Be Flexible; Don’t get stuck in one opinion. Keep yourself limber in your perspective. Keep yourself fresh by adopting an adaptable attitude.

· Go to the bottom line; Often the little issues are linked to a bigger one-if you can express the center piece of the stress and start that discussion you wont have to fuss around getting to the bottom line. Being clear allows for faster understanding, and steadfast solutions.

·Be patient with the process; No one can ever be perfect a hundred percent of the time, adapting to a shared environment is going to take time for you, and the other person sharing your space. Give yourselves time adjust, and readjust as needed. Change is a process, let the chips fall where they may. Know that in any case scenario there is a solution-and everything is going to be alright.

2010-03-08T10:17:00.000-08:00

Mess.

2010-03-02T15:15:00.000-08:00

An adult- I won’t say who- once told me that your twenties were all about making the mess you would spend the rest of your life cleaning up. This might seem like terrible advice, but there is some truth in those words.

Mess- is a perspective…One man’s treasure, is another man’s trash and all. It’s true that your twenties is when you discover the truth of yourself, and set yourself on the path towards your future. Mistakes, will occur throughout life, however, consequences seem more server. Things you may have never considered before, relationships, money, jobs, etc-evolve to feel more tangible, and all the more stressful.

Mess-to me is how complicated you make these elements of living. People muddy their lives in different ways, some more deviant or more socially acceptable than others. However pretty or ugly the mess, you do start to let it spread out across you life.

I have already done a fair share of cleaning of messes in my life, and at twenty three I’ve begun to really understand what I am doing for myself, and how I can do it.

So, my life might be messy-but at least I know that at some point in the near future-rather than years down the road- I’ll be cleaning it up.